there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
