I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
