Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
