The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
