do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize