I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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