OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
