So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
