Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've blown a few things in my day
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
