I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
