I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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