a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
