I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
