YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
