OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
