I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
