The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
