I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
