3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
