I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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