he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
