i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
