3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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