I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
