How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
These tits shall not be calmed
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