we're blogging at a bar
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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