so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
