Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
