a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
