Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
