Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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