All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
