You just made me feel so damn special
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
