Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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