you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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