On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
