we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
