maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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