spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
