They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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