I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
bring money and cleavage
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
