Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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