My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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