Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize