Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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