mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
