i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
They took my balls.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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