we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
