Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
