I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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