i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
