three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
