oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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