I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I want is dick and wine.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
