you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize