I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
