I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
