I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
