One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
