I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
