Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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