Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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