Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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