I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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