So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Randomize
