The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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