I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
