you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
