Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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