You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
