There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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