dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize