I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
