Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
