Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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