1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
