hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
