I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
