Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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