never play flip cup with pint glasses
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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