I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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