Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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