so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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