Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
