Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
