You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
