When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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You. Win. At. Life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
All the doctor said was why
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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