Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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