I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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