u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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