this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
