I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
