Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
