the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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