yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
