she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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