i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
