"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
ttyl tear gas
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
