i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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