I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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