she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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