Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize