I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
