I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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