new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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