He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
