i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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